I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
