so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
