i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
