I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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