I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
