Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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