Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
