Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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