My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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