Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
