I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
