i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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