what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
