i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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