just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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