Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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