God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The ass gains better be worth it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
