Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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