Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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