It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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