I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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