The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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