Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
