the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There r osticjed everywhere
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
