fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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