gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
