Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Blood and glitter go together right?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
