glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
3 2 1 whiskey
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
