Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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