Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
