If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
