woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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