I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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