I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
