New low: just hacked my moms facebook
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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