Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
