Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
