a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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