I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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