this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
