About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
