butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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