So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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