I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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