Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
