Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
