can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
