I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
