i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
