Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
