i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
