Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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