Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize