so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
well you can't waste a boner
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
