All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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