But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
