He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
