evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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