theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Drake has all the answers
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
