I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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