i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
