My first STD was from a foam party
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
