I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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