if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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