I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
