she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
