K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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