i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
