He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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