Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
