Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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