We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
